You are not alone

Today September the 30th is my Daughters Birthday, we wont celebrate it, in fact no one but me will even know it is her birthday, or should I say that no one but me will remember.

I know that somewhere she is having a wonderful party, with cakes and candles of gold and silver, she will have family around her and they will look down and smile on those here.

And I will remember birthdays past, because that is all I have.

It feels like yesterday and yet it feels like a lifetime.

I have found that seperating myself into two people is the only way I am able to face this.

There is the Abi that is moving forward, making plans and trying to live again.

Then there is the Abi who is crumbling slowly and doesn't wish to ever be put back together.

I have learned, I think, how to stop the two Abi's being in the same room at the same time.

It is rather a mess when they meet.

I hate them both.

Yet need them both.