Why does it feel so lonely? Truth is, no matter how hard people try, no matter what they have gone through in their own lives, they cannot ease it for you.
The place you are in at the beginning, that overwhelming pain that you have no words for, that complete and total feeling of helplessness, the guilt, because you are here to feel that pain. The anger, at God, fate, The World, yourself,the feeling of failure, you are supposed to keep them safe, protect them even knowing that you could have done nothing does not stop or ease that feeling.
People cannot know what you are going through because grief is private, personal, deep inside.
But people can know that you are in deep pain, especially if they too have been there, your grief is unique, but your pain is shared by those that have been there, those that have been in the private hell that you are now in.
Your pain is shared by those that hope that they never have to go there, they feel for you, they can in some small way help, though sometimes you want to scream at them to leave you alone, what do they know, how can they even begin to imagine? They know that the pain you are going through is unique, that it is something only you can work through, but they want to support you, and support is always needed, wanted, even though you may not realise it at the beginning.
I faced my grief alone, with not even my Mother to support me, and not because she couldn't, but because 'other' things were more important than being with me. My husbands parents comforted my husband, his family, they just kept telling me it was for the best. Within weeks of losing Sam it was as though she never existed for everyone but me.
I hid my greif, and got on with life, it was hard, but I had a daughter to care for.
I havent spoken about it in years until I met someone who is now my best friend, just as I had never spoken of the second, I am not quite ready yet for the public telling, not enough courage, but being able to speak of the first has helped in ways no one can imagine except those who have hidden their own grief.
The most important thing is to speak of the lost ones, because if you dont their lives however short, mean nothing, as though they never were.
Yes it is hard, and there may be tears, but tears cleanse and help to heal, not talking about them makes your grief so much harder to bear, and it keeps you in that lonely place.
